As a teenager, dealing with parents and other authority figures
may be difficult. The simple fact of the matter is that the
teenage mind doesn’t function as an adult mind does. During
these years you can expect that you will have disagreements with
your parents. The best way to get though these years is to learn
a little more about why your parents do what they do.
Here are some tips to keeping peace and reducing stress when you
are having issues with parents and authority figures:
- Think before you speak – Don’t let angry words
fly out of your mouth if you don’t mean them. Otherwise you
may have a lot of cleanup later.
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes – If you
were your mom or dad how would you feel? Where are they
coming from in this situation? Do they have a point?
- Listen – Maybe the person you are disagreeing
with isn’t as far off base or being as unfair as you think.
Quietly hear them out, think about what they are saying and
then decide how to approach the situation.
- Focus on needs rather than conflict – Be clear
about what you need instead of focusing on why you disagree.
Stress to the other person that you want to come up with a
solution rather then work against them.
- Use “I” rather then “U” – For example “I really
feel badly about myself when you talk about my grades in
front of others” is more effective than “You make other
people think I’m stupid.”
- Don’t personally attack the person – Don’t tell
your dad he is a jerk, tell him that his opinion matters but
explain why you disagree.
- Stay calm – If you find yourself getting too
angry or frustrated, ask for some time to cool off. Try to
arrange a different time to discuss the topic after you cool
off and have time to think about it clearly.
- Remind yourself that fighting doesn’t solve anything
– Try to use your head and be more rational. Picking a fight
will not help solve the situation. How can you approach the
issue calmly and clearheaded?
- Don’t be too hard on yourself – Your mom or dad
may not like your friend or are upset about your grades
dropping but their opinions don’t make you a bad person. Try
to understand why they feel that way and realize everyone is
entitled to an opinion even if others disagree with it. You
are also entitled to your own opinions, but use them wisely
and don’t disrespect your parents in the process.
- Be polite and considerate – Try to understand
that your parents have a lot of things going on in their
lives, just as you do. Don’t let other things that are
bothering you boost your anger in the heat of the moment.
Try to be polite and considerate, because everyone deserves
to be heard out, even you. It’s the approach that you take
to express yourself that weighs heavily on whether the other
person listens to your concerns.
Remember, that your parents have much more life experience
than you and whether you agree with them now or not, you will
soon understand where they were coming from when you get older.
Your parents are just concerned for your safety and well-being,
talk things out peacefully, you will get more respect that way.
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